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Academic ExcellenceSexual harassment, sexual assault, intimate partner violence, and stalking affect people beyond the victim-survivors who directly experience these behaviors. Friends and family of victim-survivors may also experience profound impacts.
For victim-survivors, friends and family can be important paths to wellness and feeling safe and secure. We know that the response from friends and family can make a profound difference in the likelihood that a victim-survivor will seek resources, formally report the incident, and take steps for self-care. This is why ÎçÒ¹¿ì²¥ has dedicated this space to helping family and friends learn more about sexual harassment, sexual assault, intimate partner violence and stalking. We also know that helping victim-survivors can be emotionally challenging and encourage friends and family to seek resources for themselves as well.
Concerned friends and family are welcome to reach out to the College's Title IX Coordinator or a confidential resource, found on this page.
This web space also covers more information for friends and family of victim-survivors, including Resources for Friends and Family, How to Support a Victim Survivor, and Advice for Parents and Families. We hope you find these included below to be a helpful resource.
*From the .
It's important for friends and family members of college students to be informed and know how to get help for victim-survivors. College students who experience sexual assault, intimate partner violence, and stalking are more likely to tell friends and family about the incident than reporting it to an authority.*
Fifty-eight percent of parents could not correctly identify the warning signs of abuse and the same percentage of college students say they don't know how to help someone in an abusive relationship†. That's okay. There are lots of confidential experts ready to help you so that you can help your friends and family. Supporting a victim-survivor is difficult work and you shouldn't do it alone.
Friends and family of victim-survivors can use any of the resources on this website. While the resources will probably not be able to tell you if your friend of family member has contacted that resource, all of these resources can answer questions, help you think about how to talk to your friend or family member, and help you consider how to support your friend or family member.
These are some ways to be supportive of victim-survivors, both generally and if the victim-survivor is someone you know‡:
*.
†
‡Adapted from and
Victim-survivors are profoundly affected by the response of people who they tell about their experience of sexual misconduct. How friends, family, and others respond to that information can significantly affect the likelihood that the victim-survivor will seek other resources, consider reporting the incident, and get help with managing the effects of the incident(s) of sexual misconduct. If someone tells you that they have experienced sexual misconduct, here are some ways to give a positive and helpful response.*
*Adapted from
All forms of sexual misconduct are among the most under-reported crimes and policy violations in any community. It's important to respect a victim-survivor's choice about whether they report to law enforcement, ÎçÒ¹¿ì²¥, both, or neither. Additionally, it's important for us as a community to take steps to reducing barriers to reporting sexual harassment, sexual assault, intimate partner violence, and stalking.
These are some of the common reasons victim-survivors give for why they did not report to anyone (including confidential resources), along with some ways to effectively and appropriately address those concerns, while always respecting the victim-survivor's choices about how they address the incident(s).*
Reasons given for not reporting |
Effective and appropriate responses |
Many victim-survivors say they did not report because they did not believe the incident was serious enough. This includes incidents involving sexual assault with penetration.* (Many studies cite this as the most frequent reason for not reporting.) |
Even before you know of someone who is a victim-survivor, you can demonstrate that sexual misconduct is a serious issue by being an active bystander. Ways to do this including confronting jokes or dismissive comments about sexual misconduct. When someone tells you about an incident, take them seriously and say that such behavior is not acceptable. You can also tell a victim-survivor that if the incident is bothering them, it's at least serious enough to talk to a confidential resource, who can help them consider options. |
Victim-survivors often say they believe reporting the incident would be too embarrassing or emotionally difficult. |
It's important to acknowledge that these feelings are real for the person you're speaking with. At the same time, gently remind them that sexual misconduct is never the fault of the person who experienced it. This is another good time to remind the victim-survivor about the option to talk to confidential resources. If the person was sexually assaulted and/or has any physical injuries, this is also a good time to talk about the benefits of seeking medical help. |
Victim-survivors may say they choose not to report because nothing will be done about it. |
Revisit what "reporting" means. The victim-survivor can disclose some details about the incident solely for the purpose of receiving medical treatment. The victim-survivor can use confidential resources for the purpose of their own healing and recovery. The victim-survivor can choose to report to law enforcement, ÎçÒ¹¿ì²¥, both, or neither. The victim-survivor should know that reporting to ÎçÒ¹¿ì²¥ can be helpful if they want interim support measures, like adjustments to their class schedule, living situation, or other logistical needs. What will be done about it depends in part upon which people the victim-survivor chooses to inform. |
Some victim-survivors are afraid of retaliation or other negative actions by the person who caused the original sexual misconduct or that person's friends/family. |
Again, it's important to acknowledge these feelings in the person you're speaking with. Remind them that confidential resources can help them with safety planning. Gathering evidence can help them with a legal protective order if they want to seek one in the future. Reporting the incident to ÎçÒ¹¿ì²¥'s Title IX Coordinator can be helpful if the victim-survivor needs changes to their living arrangements, class schedule, or other logistics in order to increase their safety. The Title IX Coordinator can also issue a no-contact order, including communicating to the person who caused the incident that retaliation is prohibited by ÎçÒ¹¿ì²¥ and the law. |
Victim-survivors may fear they will not be believed or that they will be accused of facilitating the incident of sexual misconduct. |
This is another important moment to remind yourself and the victim-survivor that the person who experiences sexual misconduct is never to blame for the incident. That responsibility belongs solely to the person who caused the harm. It's also important to remind the person that there are resources especially designed to help victim-survivors and that the victim-survivor does not need to prove anything to use those resources, including confidential resources. Even before you know of any victim-survivors, you can help reduce this barrier by being an active bystander and taking sexual misconduct seriously as an incident in our community. |
Sometimes, victim-survivors indicate they do not want to report an incident, because they do not trust the criminal justice system. |
In this situation, help the victim-survivor understand that they have options beyond the criminal justice system. They can choose to speak only with confidential resources. They can choose to report the incident to ÎçÒ¹¿ì²¥. You can also mention that both confidential resources and ÎçÒ¹¿ì²¥ can help with reporting to the criminal justice system, if they want to pursue that. |
Victim-survivors may not want to report because they think their own behavior at the time will be viewed negatively. This can be especially true if they are in a same-sex relationship or using drugs/alcohol. Since drugs/alcohol may also impair their memory, that may be another reason they are hesitant to report. |
In this situation, it's important for victim-survivors to know that the incident(s) of sexual misconduct are not their fault and that you care about them. Even if they don't remember the incident or don't want to share details, they can still talk to counselors and crisis counselors confidentially. If they give this as a reason for not reporting to ÎçÒ¹¿ì²¥, explain to them that ÎçÒ¹¿ì²¥ takes all reports of sexual misconduct seriously and has an amnesty policy for use of alcohol or other drugs. |
If you're concerned that a friend or family member is experiencing intimate partner violence, one of the most important things you can do is offer your support. This topic can be difficult to discuss, but it's important to let victim-survivors know that it's okay to talk about. Here are some suggestions for letting someone know you're concerned about them and their relationship.*
*This list was adapted from "Break the Cycle ."
It's difficult to see someone you care about hurting other people. While the person causing harm is always responsible for their own actions, here are some ways to intervene safely* and help the person who is being abusive, as well as the person being abused.
*This list is adapted from
For parents and other family members, knowing someone you love is affected by sexual harassment or assault, relationship violence, and/or stalking can be frightening. Remember that you can be a powerful force in helping your family member reduce their risk of these crimes and get help if they have already experienced them.
Here are some ways the parents and other family members can help victim-survivors.*
Before you suspect relationship violence, stalking, or sexual harassment/assault:
If you suspect your child/family member is experiencing relationship violence, sexual harassment/assault, and/or stalking:
*This list is adapted from
If someone you care about has an abusive partner, it can be difficult to understand that they might choose to stay in their abusive relationship at this time. The decision to stay, however, is not unusual. Ending abusive relationships can be difficult and, at times, dangerous.
It's important to be sensitive to why people may have trouble leaving abusive relationships or getting help. Whatever their reason for staying, your support matters. Supporting someone in an abusive relationship can help them manage the relationship and can be helpful if they eventually choose to leave it.
As you support your friend, it can be helpful to understand why people sometimes stay in abusive relationships.*
In all of these situations, your support as a friend can help the victim-survivor seek resources, consider options, and stay safe. As you help your friend, be sure you use resources for yourself too.
*Adapted from
More and more, people are starting relationships online or communicating online in their current relationship. Social media and other online communication are great tools, but they can also make it easier to stalk or abuse someone, including a partner.
This page provides information about increasing safety for yourself and your friends in online interactions.
Online abuse and stalking is not the fault of the person receiving the abuse, nor is the person being abused responsible for making it stop. Those responsibilities lie with the person who stalks or causes other harm. Those receiving abuse can, however, choose to take some steps to increase their safety and well-being and may want to do so.
Increasing Your Own Safety*
Helping Friends Stay Safe†
*Adapted from
†Adapted from
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